evaluation

It's been one month since I had my partial glossectomy and neck dissection and this caused me to take stock of the changes in my life since that point. Creating this list revealed a lot of positive changes and revelations that were unexpected. Here they are:

Change #1: My attitude. I've always tended to be dramatic and easily agitated. If something did not go according to my plan, everything was ruined. After a small fender bender today, I realized that the words "stressed", "dramatic" and "angry" don't coincide with my personality anymore. I may have temporarily lost some of the adjectives that I love about myself (e.g. "hopeful" and "happy"), but this experience has mellowed me - something that I have always wanted.



Change #2: Parental relationships. My mom and I have always been exceptionally close; nothing has change there. However, my relationship with my father has undergone a slight transformation. All of the old animosity I felt towards my dad has suddenly floated away. This was something that I always wrestled with. Now though, that old anger is gone and I feel like I can finally move on.



Revelation #1: I have amazing friends, past and present. And I am completely undeserving of them. Throughout my entire life, I've been blessed with wonderful friends, even though I am a horribly bad one. When all of this started, my friends came out in full force, offering me prayer, support, laughs and visits. My friends, some of whom I had not spoken to in years, have all been there for me. I can't say enough good things about my church friends, my CSM girls and my work crew. They all kept me sane.



Revelation #2: I'm finally becoming the person I always wanted to be. I've always wanted to be a person that took everything in stride, that took risks, that somewhat went against the grain of normalcy. I wanted to be a little more free spirited. Finally, I am.

Although good things have come out of this, I wish they had all come about another way.