Thursday, December 31, 2009

new year

The new year is swiftly approaching and I'm feeling strangely optimistic. Weird for someone who is getting radiation daily. But I do. I feel like my family has been through so much in the past few years, that good things are coming our way. My way.

I've always felt like something bad was going to happen to me at some point in my life. This statement makes it sound like I live my life under a dark cloud, but that's not the case. It was just always something in the back of my mind or in my peripheral vision, waiting. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is what was lurking there. After this maybe I will be able to live my life with some freedom from it because I know now that I'm a fighter.

I feel like the bad will come to an end soon. I feel like the things that I've wanted for so long, that I've prayed for and wished for, are right around the corner.

I'm still scared. Terrified. Especially when I read other people's stories. Maybe it's just the people who have to deal with the most and who have the worst prognosis that share on the Internet, but the horror stories are what keep me up at night. It reminds me all over again that I'm breakable. That my life won't last forever; but I'm planning on a solid 70 more years!

Happy New Year!

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