update

It's been 12 days since my selective neck dissection and partial glossectomy and the healing process is going...well. My tongue is healing so quickly that my speech is already almost back to normal. It's amazing how resilient the tongue is! My neck is taking a little bit longer; pictures will be up soon!

I did get some unpleasant news on Wednesday. My surgical oncologist informed me that although my lymph nodes were cancer free, the cancer had begun to move the nerves. Because of the movement to the nerves, the surgical oncologist recommended that the meet with a radiation oncologist. My appointment is tomorrow.

I'm really nervous about it. I'm pretty sure that I know what the radiation oncologist will say; that I need radiation therapy. It means that my road to recovery is just beginning. It means my life will remain on 'Pause' for that much longer. It means that it will be a long time before I'm normal again, before I'm myself again.

But I wonder if I'll ever feel like me again after this. Before this, I was hopeful and happy. I was so sure that I would always achieve everything I wanted to. Now, I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I will ever feel that carefree and joyful again. Over the course of these past weeks, I feel like I've grown up so much. But in that process of that, I think I've gained some sadness. I just want to feel like me again.