life

My life has changed. Profoundly and irreversibly. And the crazy part is, I don't think I would go back.

Recently, I've had some time to contemplate my life and my person. Something I realized, which everyone already knows, is that life is short. Extremely short. I never understood people who said that. I thought before that it was a way of stating the obvious. A cliche. Something to say when making an impulsive, careless decision.

It's not.

We have limited time to make a legacy. Trying to decide what you want you life to stand for is one of the most impossible things to do and any time trying to decide what you want your life to be seems time wasted. Any tme not spent living life seems time wasted. But you must.

I woke up six weeks ago and realized that I was unhappy. I had successfully completed treatment for cancer and I was preparing to....what? To go back to my life. A life that I was bored with before? A life that I was unhappy living. Over the course of my life, I had created a neatly structured plan of how my life was going to go. Cancer was no where on that plan and although one of the most difficult things I had ever dealt with, it also may be one of the best. I realized that the detailed plan no longer fit. I'm no longer the girl who wanted that plan. I'm no longer the girl who only wanted financial security and was willing to forfeit adventure, love, joy, my well-being for it. I was willing to leave a life that I considered boring, just because it matched up with a plan I created when I was six.

Now I have a new plan. Find what makes me happy. I've spent so many years pushing my happiness aside, I don't know where to begn to look. But I will find it. I will not waste my second chance.

My legacy will be joy, love and hope.